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Rheumatrex (Methotrexate)

Sometimes when relationships do not get better it is because there is a problem of drink or drugs in the family or in the partner. When you were using drugs or drinking yourself, you probably did not notice it. Now you are clean and sober, this kind of problem may become evident.
Recovering addicts and alcoholics sometimes think other people are not chemically dependent unless the other’s pattern of using drugs or drinking is similar to their own. They are so anxious not to imagine the illness in others that they are often slow to recognise it.
Many addicts come from families where there is a drinking problem or a hidden problem of tranquilliser dependence. If this is the case, other drug users or drinkers may be far from enthusiastic about your recovery. Seeing you clean and sober makes them feel worse about their continued drug-taking or drinking. Because they feel so bad about themselves, they may sneer at NA or AA. They may even try to persuade you that alcohol or the wrongly named ‘soft’ drugs cannot hurt you.
Alison is somebody who discovered that there was a drink problem in her family. ‘My mother probably has a drinking problem. I told her about AA and she was horrified. It was one and a half years after I’d joined, and I tried to talk to her about it. But it was no use.
‘She’s always tried to make me drink again. When I come to visit her, she’ll be at the door saying “Red or white wine, darling?” Or she’ll offer pate and say “Lovely plate. Lots of brandy in it!” and I’ll say “Ma, I really can’t eat this.” Last time we went to dinner, she produced a pudding and said: “Dig down deep. Lots of lovely alcohol at the bottom.” It’s the thing I dislike most. I find it so hurtful.’
Some newly recovering addicts, enthusiastic about NA’s power to help others recover, go all out to try to ‘convert’ the family member who is drinking or taking drugs. They are surprised, upset and even resentful when their offers of help are refused.
They have to realise that they cannot force their family into recovery – just as their family could not force them. In the first year of their own recovery it is best for them to concentrate on getting well themselves. Later, when they have some solid months of staying clean and sober behind them, they will probably find that Families Anonymous or Al-anon can help their relationship with the drug user or drinker.

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