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Xeloda (Capecitabine)

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COMING OFF DRUGS: LEARNING TO CARE FOR OTHERS-PARTNERS, WIVES AND HUSBANDS
Most partners are overjoyed when their addict or alcoholic stops drinking or using drugs and joins AA or NA. But some, just like the family of the addict, remain suspicious. They have been so hurt that it takes time and the continued recovery of their partner before they can trust again.
Partners also sometimes feel very jealous of AA or NA. For years they have been trying to get their partners off drink and drugs, and it is wounding for them to see another succeeding where they have apparently failed. This is made worse when the addict or alcoholic seems to spend more time at meetings than he or she did drinking or taking drugs.
Of course, if partners go to Al-anon or Families Anonymous they will begin to understand what is happening and that it is the programme of recovery that helps addicts and alcoholics if they accept it. But, once again, you cannot force your partner to attend, any more than he or she could force you to stop taking drugs or drink.
Most upsetting of all to a recovering addict or alcoholic is the relationship which breaks up after recovery. Yet the sad truth is that a few people do not like their addict or alcoholic when he or she is well. Consciously or unconsciously, they preferred them sick. It is a fact that a significant percentage of relationships break up when the alcoholic or addict stops using drink or drugs. Partners no longer feel needed. They are so damaged that they cannot handle an equal relationship.
Louis, a recovering alcoholic, was married to a social worker. ‘She didn’t like me as a rolling around 24-hours-a-day drunk, and at first when I sobered up in AA we went through a honeymoon period. It was wonderful.
Then things started to go wrong. I wouldn’t let her manipulate me. I started saying to her: “Don’t you think you should consult me about this?” A kind of power battle started up. She wanted to keep the role of family fixer, or be the one who copes with everything.

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